Marriage Ministry Blog

This is a Marriage Ministry Blog which Jolene and I will be adding new articles and marriage topics on a regular basis. We are also sharing marriage enrichment ideas within the St Matthew Parish bulletin.

Our hope and prayer for all of you is that you can spend a few minutes each day and/or dedicate a time each week to discuss your marriage relationship. This investment of time will be the fruitful soil in which your marriage can grow.

May God Bless your marriage abundantly!

Wayne and Jolene Wichlacz

"I make all things new"

This week we have been busy planning a family vacation. Even though it won't take place until June, we are very excited about the possibilities that a new place holds.

Remember when you were engaged, and you dreamed about what possibilities married life held?

This week reflect on what you expected . . . Read More

A New Authority...

In this week's gospel from Mark 1:21-28, Jesus is described "as one having authority, not as the scribes". Later in the gospel, it is said after Jesus speaks to the man with an unclean spirit, that this is "a new teaching with authority". It is also stated that the . . . Read More

Grief

No Super Bowl for us this year...Packer fans all over the state are lamenting that reality today...but the saddest time this week for us was going to the wake for Coach Philbin's 21 year old son, Michael, who drowned in Lake Winnebago. Going through the grieving line and shaking . . . Read More

No Room in the Inn...

Looks like there is no room in cyberspace for this blog - I just typed and lost all of the version 1 "wisdom"...oh, well...must be IE 9.0 on my laptop...

Here is what I remember from what was written and lost and found...

Fr Phillip had a great reflection . . . Read More

Jeckyl/Hyde

Have you ever had one of those days where you find yourself thanking God for the awesome spouse that you are privileged to spend your whole life with, and then 1/2 hour later you can't stand them?

That was me yesterday. Luckily Wayne tends to take things in stride . . . Read More

Ron Rolheiser

For a few years now, we have been reading a weekly column by Father Ron Rolheiser. (We go on-line to read him, but he is also in the Compass.) A few weeks back he wrote an article on Love and Ritual. Here is an excerpt:

"Irritation, anger, and boredom within . . . Read More

5 keys to an incredible marrriage

While driving back from Milwaukee this weekend, we listened to a CD from the Smart Marriages conference. It was entitled The 5 Keys To An Incredible Marriage by Tim Gardner. Below are the five keys...what do you think?

* Serve your spouse

* Listen

*Commit

*Be peaceful

*Keep your . . . Read More

Marriage is...

"Marriage is not the result of love; it is the opportunity to love. People marry so that they find out what love is. It is not destiny that makes a person the one true love; it is life. It is the hardships that have been faced together. It is bending over . . . Read More

Sir Gawain

A story for you...

Sit Gawain was a Knight of the Round Table. Out of loyalty to King Arthur, Sir Gawain agreed to marry Ragnell, who was hideous.

On their wedding night, Ragnell said, "You have kept your promise. You have never shown me pity or revulsion. You have . . . Read More

Guys and Dolls

We went to the East High School production of the musical Guys and Dolls last night. The time and effort it takes to put on a show like that is remarkable, and all of the young people involved (from pit, to backstage work, to the people in the spotlight) . . . Read More

Gridiron Saints...

I participated in a Morning of Spiritual Renewal for Men on Saturday morning at the Norbertine Center for Spirituality. I want to share a few highlights from my first session, "Gridiron Saints", from Fr. Jim Baraniak who happens to be the Catholic priest that travels with the Green Bay . . . Read More

Heart, Mind and Soul...

Our gospel reading from Matthew 22:34-40 describes the two great commandments: 1) You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and 2) love your neighbor as yourself.

These commandments are a challenge for us individually and especially within the context of our marriage . . . Read More

Going Out

What is it about food that brings us all together? One of our favorite things to do is go out to eat. We love to experiment with new places, new tastes, and good deals!

When we go out, their is a level of relaxation that can't be replicated at home. Our . . . Read More

Prayer

A fellow teacher has cancer, a good friend is looking for a job, David's class mate was in an accident and is in a coma, our Deacon is preparing for major surgery, we need to find time to respectfully discuss some issues we've had in the last month...

This . . . Read More

Vows

We gave a talk this week. It was based on our marriage vows. When is the last time you repreated your vows to your spouse? Do you remember them? These were ours...

I, ____________, take you, _____________to be my wife/husband...

I promise to be true to you,...

in good . . . Read More

Choose wisely...

One of my (Wayne) favorite readings from Paul's letters is from Philippians 2. It was our second reading today in the longer form (2:1-11) and the latter portion (2:6-11) was used during the Passion Sunday readings during Lent this year. The following is from verses 4-5...

"Do nothing out of selfishness . . . Read More

Market Failure

This week we will be preparing our Great Date which is on Friday. The talk will be about the book Spousonomics: Using economics to master love, marriage and dirty dishes. It was a very funny, remarkably helpful and informative book. To give you a flavor of the humor, here . . . Read More

Oatmeal & Eggs Benedict

We had a tremendously busy weekend with a 20+ person Green Bay East Cross Country pasta dinner on Friday evening, giving our Sacrament & Theology of Marriage talk for 25 couples at UWGB on Saturday morning and having a family birthday dinner on Sunday for David who turned 17. I . . . Read More

It's Good For You

In the last 4 days we have driven more than 650 miles together. We took kids back to college, watched the boys run cross country and attended a family memorial mass in Wayne's hometown. (Two Rivers)

All of that time in the car was good for our relationship. (Not . . . Read More

Family Transition time...

There are certain times of the year which our family is placed into a transition time, especially with 2 daughters in college and 2 sons in high school. The family fun, stress, chaos and activities of the summer months transition into homework and extracurriculars that are a part of . . . Read More

4 things

We are reading another marriage book in preparation for our first Great Date of the season. (Friday, September 23) The book is called Spousonomics and it applies the laws of economic theory to marriage. It's quite funny and makes a lot of sense.

On my brisk walk this morning . . . Read More

Litmus Test

Articles about how to tell if a relationship will last are abundant in our marriage magazine that we read. The latest article, Engaged: Will This Relationship Last? gives a short list, and I was reading it to our son, David, who is dating a lovely girl right now. The list...

When you pick . . . Read More

Calming the storm...

Today's gospel has many interesting elements - Jesus going to pray, storm coming up while the disciples were in the boat, Jesus walking on water and Peter trying to walk on water but then sinking as fear over takes him.

I found that the element of this gospel that . . . Read More

Fighting

You know you've been married a long time when your kids can mimic your fighting styles. The other night at dinner we were entertained by a re-enactment of our usual fight. The kids analysed us in this way..."Dad starts out by yelling, then walks away, then comes back and . . . Read More

Eucharist

This weekend, our daughter Alison turned 19. We had a large family celebration (22 people), complete with a Thanksgiving feast. (her choice) Even neighbors stopped by with birthday wishes and to share dessert and coffee with us! At one point, Wayne commented on how loud it was, because everyone was engaged in . . . Read More

Seeds...

In keeping with last week's blog of one word titles, I have come up with "seeds" to describe today's entry.

Our gospel reading from Matthew 13 tells 2 stories of seeds and one of yeast. I personally like the mustard seed story the best because it has a great message . . . Read More

Rocks

We are back from our Chambers Island retreat! It was truly a time that we focused on each other and God. We were once again reminded that when we are fully open to God's grace, grace is found in EVERYTHING!

God was in... the many and varied couples that shared . . . Read More

Retreat

Sorry we are late this week again! We are diligently working on our outline for a Marriage Retreat we are facilitating this weekend on Chambers Island. We are excited and nervous about this project because we have never led a retreat before.

Remarkably, we are working well together. We . . . Read More

Anniversary

Sorry we are late in writing this week. We are in Los Angeles! Wayne has a conference and I tagged along to visit my brothers. Also, our Anniversary was yesterday (June 27)...24 years of wedded bliss! (and sometimes not so blissful) People always say congratulations when they hear how . . . Read More

Marriage Symbol - The Ring

This week I got the great privilege and honor to receive a Super Bowl XLV ring during the ceremony at Lambeau Field. The ring is a great symbol of all efforts by employees and departments that culminated in our victory against the Pittsburgh Steelers in Dallas.

As I looked at my wedding . . . Read More

Ordinary time

It's the end of the Easter season today with Pentecost. The Spirit is present even though we are irritable with each other, everybody is bored, dishes pile up, laundry is never ending, and it is remarkable how much toilet paper we go through!

Sounds like ordinary time...the time in our church when we . . . Read More

Run the Distance

For the first time in years, Wayne and I will not be able to run the Bellin Run next week. We scheduled a Marriage Preparation talk on the same morning, and since we are Marriage cheerleaders, we know the right place to be is with those engaged couples as . . . Read More

A good idea?

This morning Wayne and I (and our teenage boys) got up and ran The Christy's Run in De Pere. It's a 4 mile run they have each Memorial Day weekend in conjunction with Celebrate De Pere.

When we sign up, it always seems like such a good idea...and then, . . . Read More

Primal Love

A member of our school community recently had a brain hemorrhage, and as I was reading his latest caring bridge update I was tremendously moved. His first attempt to communicate after being unable to for months was spelling out "I love you" to his wife. After my sister's brain bleed, that . . . Read More

Going a little farther?

Sunday, I completed the Green Bay Half Marathon in the very windy and cool conditions. I was linked to my beloved, Jolene, with the technology text messages that appeared on her cell phone at 5, 10, 12 and my finish as I crossed the mats at each location. On . . . Read More

Prayer

On Mother's Day, I(Jolene), drove my daughter Alison back to school in Milwaukee and my mom and sister drove along. We stopped at a very crowded Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We ordered and when the food came we joined hands for a brief prayer, and then enjoyed our dinner. After dessert, I asked for the . . . Read More

Blooming Daffodils...

I have been training for the Green Bay Half Marathon this spring. I took a 4 mile run on the East River Trail at lunch on Friday - I was a little hurried and got home to enjoy a shower and then back to work. The next day, Saturday, I . . . Read More

Easter - He is risen!

To follow up on Jolene's post last week, I did attend a Silent Holy Week retreat (Wed PM through Sat lunch) at the Jesuit Retreat House in Oshkosh on the shores of Lake Winnebago. We happened to have a fight prior to my leaving which was truly a "graced . . . Read More

Holy Week

Each year, for over ten years now, Wayne has gone on a silent Holy Week Retreat at the Jesuit Retreat House in Oshkosh. He leaves on Wednesday, and returns for coloring Easter Eggs on Holy Saturday afternoon.

Over the years I have faced his absense with varying feelings.... resentment, relief, . . . Read More

"A slow Crucifixion"

This morning, Wayne and I were talking about what should be in our blog. Looking for inspiration, I asked, "What is next week's Gospel reading? Wayne said, "The Passion...that's just like marriage...a slow crucifixion."

After we laughed for a while, we couldn't help thinking that some people actually might . . . Read More

Sleep

"We cannot give our love fully to our loved ones if our lives are disordered."

This is a quote from our renew book, Longing for the Holy. This past week Wayne and I had to make the final preparations for a marriage talk we gave. It was crunch time, the . . . Read More

Love is...

I saw this posted on a college age friends facebook this week.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and subsides, and then you have to make a decision; of whether your roots have become so entwined that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. . . . Read More

Spring Break

Sorry, for those of you who read this blog. All the kids are home from college and we went on a 2 day trip to Door County...so we forgot to update the blog.

As we near our next Great date talk (April 1 at Nativity at 6:30) we are . . . Read More

The Solution to Marital Problems

We are reading a book for our next Great Date talk. The book is called, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. One quote that has really made me think this week is, "The solution to marital problems...is taking better care of your self."

I've been wondering . . . Read More

Lent...Renew ourselves...

Our church season of Lent begins this Wednesday with our Ash Wednesday celebrations. This is a time of prayer, fasting and almgiving in the traditional definition.

In our the busy nature of our lives, Lent is also a time to pause and reflect on our lives. How can we . . . Read More

Worry

An excerpt from Sunday's readings...."Do not worry about your life...Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life span?"

I (Jolene) worry, alot. I worry about the kids, myself, and especially about Wayne. I worry about his job, his weight, his exercise habits and eating habits, etc.... Wayne . . . Read More

A perfect morning

What would you consider a perfect morning? A perfect Saturday for us would start with sleeping in, (7AM for us) followed by some exercise (if you know what I mean!)...then off to the gym for a workout, followed by coffee and the crossword, then reading something together. I'll bet . . . Read More

Sign & Symbol

Jolene and I participated with 3 other St Matthew married couples (Bill & Jane Campion, John & Patty Vandermause, Tim & Mary Gantz) in a diocesan Marriage Preparation day at UWGB on Saturday. We all share our marriage journey, our life experience and wisdom from other church and secular marriage experts. . . . Read More

Once in a lifetime?

Our family just spent the past 4 days in Dallas in preparation for the NFL Super Bowl XLV pitting the Green Bay Packers versus the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Packers won the game 31-25 for their 13th NFL championship and their 4th Super Bowl victory.

This experience reminded me of another experience . . . Read More

On the Road....

This week, all of us will be traveling to Dallas for the Super Bowl. Two of us will be flying, four of us will be driving. We are sad we will be separated for the trip...which makes me think of the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Sometimes . . . Read More

Super Bowl!!!!

Super Bowl!!! I (Jolene) don't know what else to write...our house is filled with excitement and apprehension. We don't know who will get to go to the Super Bowl....we are hoping all of us...but don't know anything yet. It's such a nice problem to have!!!

What does this have . . . Read More

Single For a Day

Wayne is off to Dallas tomorrow...NFL meetings just in case we get to the Super Bowl. I, (Jolene) on the other hand get to go to work, make a doctor's appointment, take Michael to get a shot, get the garage door fixed, get David to work, make a 4:00 . . . Read More

Packers Playoff Emotion

The Packers just won an exciting game 21-16 against the Philadelphia Eagles. The game went down to the wire but ultimately, Tramon Williams' interception with 33 seconds left sealed the victory. Our family jumped for joy, high 5's were shared, and the den was filled with screams of joy!

Interesting how . . . Read More

A new computer

Ahh! New Technology!! Wayne just ordered a new computer for our home and we are all very excited. Our wait time will be much less, we'll be able to do power point presentations and skype with our daughters at college. Technology gets a bad rap a lot of times, . . . Read More

Reminiscing

This New Year's Eve marks the 26th year we have known each other. Wayne and I met at Penny McDonnel's New Year's Eve party in 1984. We dated for 1 year before we were engaged and married a year and a half later. At the end of each year . . . Read More

Alone Time

Everybody is home for Christmas break. It is such a blessing when we are all together, but it's also much harder to find alone time for each other. Here are a few ways you can "date' with a house full:

Go to bed early...just leave instructions about how . . . Read More

Advent Blizzard - Enjoy?

As we are land-locked in our heated and protected home, the blizzard of last night and this morning 'force' us to slow down - we have no choice. Advent themes continually ask us to be patient and wait, yet our culture and society say the opposite - shop to . . . Read More

The finishing touch

I spent the day transforming our living room into a Christmas haven...the village is up, the Nativity set adorns the mantle and the staircase is trimmed! It looks cozy and inviting....like a home should look and feel!

But what really makes our home cozy and inviting is the way . . . Read More

Oops!

I (Jolene) figured Thanksgiving weekend seemed like a good time to volunteer to bring a meal to the homeless shelter. So I signed myself up. I made lists, shopped early, and prepared food all week. At crunch time, yesterday, I had Wayne rolling and cutting out biscuits, searching for . . . Read More

Holiday Preparations

This week I will be making 7 pies, bread dressing, green bean casserole, and cucmber,onion, tomato salad for the two Thanksgiving celebrations we'll be at. Plus Mostaciolli, biscuits, jello, veggies, fruit and dessert for the 35+ people at the shelter on Saturday. I've got my shopping list made and recipes . . . Read More

Going Away!!!

Wayne and I are off for a weekend away...romantic bed and breakfast near Kettle Morraine. We are looking forward to being just Wayne and Jolene instead of mom, dad, teacher, computer guy, volunteer, chauffeur, etc.

Our prayer for you is that you can find some alone time to remember . . . Read More

Snacking and Feasting

It's a week before another Great Date talk and we are putting final touches on our presentation. Our topic...feasting, family and giving thanks in marriage. Sounds straight forward but when we sit down to ponder, our task seems daunting. Take the word feasting...defined as abundantly enjoyed...giving great pleasure. How can we . . . Read More

Pumpkins

We love Halloween. Each year we have a large pumpkin carving party. This year we had 27 carved pumpkins all lit up on our sidewalk. It was a cool sight to behold!

All of the pumpkins were carved very differently. Some scary, some goofy, some precise and others haphazard, . . . Read More

Cross Country

This year our oldest son, David, decided to join the Cross Country team at school. He was able to improve his time a little bit each meet. If you've never been to a meet, it is quite a bit of exercise for the kids as well as the parents! We cheer . . . Read More

Once every 100 years!

Today (10/10/10) is a day that only comes around every 100 years - it's next occurrence will be October 10, 2110. It is almost impossible to imagine what the world will be like 100 years from now. Reflecting back to 1910, our grandparents were teenagers and my parents weren't even thought . . . Read More

Football Season

As some of you may know, Wayne works for the Green Bay Packers, which means that I'm (Jolene) alone on home game Sunday's. It's funny, but I still feel like Wayne is here because of the gift of texting. I never thought I would use gift and texting in the . . . Read More

A Great Date

Wayne and I went out the other night. We found ourselves at dinner time without any kids....We had 3 hours to ourselves and IT WAS AWESOME!!! We actually spent the whole time at a restaurant eating, drinking, laughing, crying and talking about everything...What attracted us to each other, how sorry . . . Read More

Tailgate Party

We attended a tailgate party last night, before the first Packer home game of the season. There was a lot of good food and conversation, and also a lot of time for us to observe people. There were many and varied married couples there....Young couples just married, couples with kids, couples . . . Read More

Are we a sacrament?

Wayne and I gave a talk to some engaged couples on Saturday as part of the marraige prepartion team for the Green Bay diocese. The topic of our talk was The Theology and Sacrament of Marriage. Each time we give this talk (about 4 times a year) we are . . . Read More

Labor Day

As I (Jolene) sit here and write this, Wayne is at work...seems odd to me to be laboring on labor day...although I just scrubbed the kitchen floor until it sparkled! It got me to thinking about what kind of 'labor' marriage entails. Sometimes, when we are distant from each . . . Read More

New Beginnings

We dropped both of our daughters off at college this past weekend. It is a new beginning for both of them, and a change for us; we'll only have the two boys at home. As we drove back from Eau Claire last night, we talked about a new beginning . . . Read More

Audio Resource

As Wayne and I plan for our next season of marriage talks, (Great Dates) we usually visit the Smart Marriages website. They have a conference each year that is aimed primarily at Marriage and Family Therapists. Anid the MANY seminars offered, we usually find quite a few audio tapes . . . Read More

Blah to Blessing

Last week our relationship was blah...you know what I mean??? Nothing exciting or even mildly interesting. 'Co-existing in the same house' feeling.

Then the weekend came...starting with the same routine, doing the crossword together. That would seem dull, but it's amazing what sipping coffee, sitting close together, and cuddling . . . Read More

Coffee Breaks

Wayne and I are in a book group. There are five couples in this group, and two couples are retired. We are blessed by the wisdom that comes to us from these wonderful people.

At our last gathering, Sara (a retired spouse) shared with me that she and her husband . . . Read More

Relax

We went floating down a river this week. Neither of us have ever done that, so this week we took the kids and headed to New London to the Wolf River Campground. We spent three hours just floating...sometimes running into rocks...most of the time our tubes were hooked together...and . . . Read More

In a Rut?

"During the last month, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut, or getting into a rut...that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?"

That is how the article we just read started...and I . . . Read More

Reunion!

The Class of 1980 from Washington High School in Two Rivers, WI, just had their 30 year class reunion. Wayne was a part of this really fun class and, as a spouse, I can honestly say it was great fun!

It's a little intimidating going to a reunion when you probably won't . . . Read More

I Choose You

Wayne and I recently saw the movie "Date Night" with Tina Fey and Steve Carell. Aside from being very funny, the movie had some touching moments. Our favorite scene came at the end of the movie when the couple reflects on their very "crazy" evening and marriage. Steve looks . . . Read More

Weddings

What is it about weddings that makes us cry? We just attended a wedding of a daughter of friends of ours. As she walked down the aisle, our tears were flowing, as were many of our friends tears. Why? She isn't even our daughter!

I think part of the reason . . . Read More

Off to New York

Wayne and I are off to New York to see our daughter Alison perform at Carnegie Hall with the National Honors Orchestra. She plays oboe.

It is also our 23rd Anniversary on Sunday, so we are taking time to celebrate in "New York Style"...seeing the Lion King, jogging in Central . . . Read More

Summer Dating

Summer has finally come to our house! Since I (Jolene) am a teacher I have now entered the time of year when I have to think about what I'm going to do and what needs to be done in the house. I'm thinking about painting the living room, or organizing . . . Read More

Connecting

The past few weeks Wayne and I have not been connecting at a deep level. We've each been so busy with work, graduations, mowing, chaufferring, college orientations, and just general exhaustion. Sometimes we feel like strangers that happen to live together and share kids!

When we feel disconnected there is . . . Read More

Divorce

We were so sad this week to hear about Al and Tipper Gore separating after such a long time. It seems crazy to us how people married for over 40 years can feel like it would be better if they were apart. AND they are not the only ones . . . Read More

Taking time for reflection

On Saturday, Wayne and I spread a blanket and laid on a hill at Voyager park. Even though a band was playing and there were people all around, we had a very private experience. Laying there, holding hands and gazing at the stars was very humbling. We are but a speck . . . Read More

FAITH

Wayne was asked to give a talk to high school seniors and their parents this week. As he was preparing, he ran some of his ideas by me. His outline follows the word FAITH.

F Fundamentals

A Attitude

I Individual

T Teamwork

H Home

As we were reflecting we realized we . . . Read More

The Love List

About 5 years ago, (I can't believe it's that long ago!) Wayne and I read a small book called The Love List: 8 little things that make a big difference in your marriage by Les and Leslie Parrot. We felt the list was worth refelcting on....

Tender . . . Read More

Apology languages

Forgiveness is vitally important in Marriage. Usually the forgiveness process begins with an apology.

Wayne and I recently read a book called, "The Language of Apology" by Dr. Gary Chapman. His premise is that each of us has an apology 'language'. If we can learn our spouses 'language' . . . Read More

Power Phrases

Today we were reading an article in Marriage Magazine about using Power Phrases in marriage. A power phrase is really just a brief show of love and attention that makes the other person know you care. Do you use any of these phrases?